When it comes to dating, we all know it can be difficult for both parties, while women think men are from a different galaxy. The reality is, men can be simple to understand, provided that there was a way to explain the nuances of their statements and actions. Because they can end up blubbering their way through the first conversation by saying inconsequential things that can be off-putting to the opposite sex. But imagine this, what if a real-life Hitch comes to your rescue?
Let us introduce you to the Dating Coach for the Elite, Johnny Cassell is a London born Human Behaviorist and Dating coach with more than a decade of experience in the field of love and social dating. Safe to say, he’s the guy who can help turn the lads turn into confident men. With his workshops and seminars, Johnny has been able to deliver a high success rate to loyal clients, who later on, have become great friends for the future.
Here at Gurus, we sit down with The London Dating Coach, as he chats about dating during a pandemic, his beginnings, and aspirations.
To start, could you tell us about your beginnings? How did this all start?
It started off as a need for myself, I really was not getting it when it came to speaking to girls at a young age. I had limited opportunity to mix through my school life, going to an all-boys school and then later studying Motor Sports Engineering for four years.
Outside of school, I began to really take an interest in psychology, influence and persuasion which led me down a path to study more about social psychology and attractiveness.
I started to understand my own issues and began to see the patterns in what makes one truly connect with the other. I then realised this isn’t just about meeting women. This is about meeting people and if you know how to connect with people on a deeper level then what can you not do? Everything is built on a relationship, your friendships, your love life, your next business opportunity. I began to get really excited about how much my world could potentially expand.
What made you want to be a Dating Guru? What was that particular moment that inspired you to turn this into a living?
When I started to share what I had learnt for myself with my friends I got a lot of joy out of it and found it to be a really pleasurable reward cycle. I knew what I had learnt was giving me my own little wins but what I needed to see is if sharing what I had learnt could help others.
When I started to see my friends get into long term relationships, pick themselves up and have this newfound confidence it was just the nod I needed to help as many out there as I could.
Who are the top 3 people you look up to that helped embody who you are and what your brand is today?
It’s always an interesting one when I get asked this and I guess there has been a lot of people that I’ve taken reference and influence from but something has to be said about your surroundings.
London is quite a city. There is a lot going on. There are many layers to society. Penetrating (no pun intended) that society has been something I’ve taken great pleasure in.
Although I have travelled a lot with my work I see London as incredibly multicultural. So, naturally, London and the diverse people that I have met in this city have all added and had their touch on the brand. Sorry, I can’t label just three people. Influence is all around us and our brain is absorbing it all like a sponge every day.
What’s the best piece of advice you have ever given about first dates?
“Remember they’re just as nervous as you are” “Settle the bill off of the table”
Given the global pandemic, the dating scene has changed in a lot of ways. What are your thoughts on dating apps such as The League and Hinge? What are the psychological effects of using these apps that market out long-term and intellectual dating amidst difficult times?
Dating apps are a great way to meet new people – let’s stop giving them a hard time.
Of course it’s always going to be better meeting someone for the first time in person but when used correctly these platforms can provide you an opportunity with someone that you might not of normally met in your day to day life. I’ve found myself over the years to be in many conversations about the dopamine addiction that comes with using these apps. Try to stick to using one app and limit yourself to just maybe 15 mins a day.
Dopamine addiction is a real thing and can really disrupt your life.
Makes me think of the old saying “Too much of a good thing is a bad thing” which certainly rings true in this case.
As one of London’s best Dating Gurus, how do you adapt your methods to current social issues such as the #metoo movement and the rise of new-wave feminism?
Nothing has really been adopted. I love and respect women and my teachings have always put a lot of emphasis on what is the right way to approach a woman, how to identify positive and negative social cues and how to make sure you never pursue an unwanted interaction. It is a confusing time for men with what has gone on in the media.
There are a lot of women out there that are striving for romance and we need more men that have the courage to open up that conversation. Women are incredibly strategic in terms of how they position themselves to increase the chances of meeting someone and it can be ever so frustrating when the guy just doesn’t pull the trigger.
How do you tell people to manage their expectations about their relationships during the era of social distancing?
I tell them to factor in and consider peoples boundaries. My coaching has always involved social distancing anyway. I don’t see why you need to be closer than 1 Meter in front of someone – it’s quite intense!
On a personal note, how has the pandemic impacted your views on dating and relationships?
I think for everyone it’s made us value having someone in our lives. The lockdowns forced us to be a bit more imaginative with our date suggestions. What used to be an evening at a showy restaurant got exchanged for a stroll in the park or an invite over for dinner. Yes, this was technically not allowed but for sure it was going on. It forced us to look in and ask what we really want from a relationship as opposed to being blindsided by the superficial elements.
Lastly, for the people out there reading this — Does Sex = Love?
Sex can make you feel like you are in love but slow down. You’re just high off the chemicals! Someone who constantly shows up and is consistent leads to love. Put the miles in the tank to get an unbiased chemically balanced view on things!